The Little Dragons Roar

The day started off a little icky.

I woke up shaky from bad dreams and slightly dehydrated. I gulped down 1/2 a liter of water and felt really tired which was probably due to the dehydration.

 Athena asked to watch Tangled so I put it on and lay down.

When her movie was over I brewed myself some coffee.  While waiting for my coffee I was trying to get preschool set up and asked Athena to clean up her toys, she told me no so I sent her to the corner.

She started screaming and refused to stand there.

I reminded her that she has the choice of making a good and a bad decision and we briefly went over the consequences of both decisions.

Crying still.

This went on for a good amount of time.  So I got myself dressed and had preschool all set up by the time it was over.

We prayed together and talked about Adam and Eve again, talking more about lies and blame then the previous times.

Then we worked on fine  motor skills matching stickers to small circles. 

 The picture below on the left is Spencers the right is Athenas.  

This was the first time we have tried a project like this and I was impressed with both of their work.   No help from mommy :)

Then some simple counting with band aids. 

I had planned to do some addition with the band aids but after the counting Athena was not interested in more math, but instead of expressing this correctly she told me no and started scattering the band aids.  

We talked about why this behavior was not the correct way to handle it (which we have been going over for 2 weeks) and she had to go in the corner to remember. 

She threw another fit. 

At this time I was very frustrated.  Two fits.  Spencer was also not listening.  When I asked him to do something simple he would ignore me while walking away smiling.  

Arrrgh! 

So while she was throwing her fit I went upstairs to put away the laundry.  I periodically checked on her and reminded her she had to stop crying to come out of the corner.  

Again after quite some time she decided she wanted to make the right decision. 

At this point I am slightly anxious because my list of things to do today were not being met.  

It was circle time now and before I start circle time we listen to some educational videos to help get some energy out for less fidgeting during the stories. 

The PlayStation would not connect to the network. 

I tried resetting the modem and the router but that didn't do any good.  I grabbed the new Samsung Galaxy I got Jerry for his birthday and searched for the videos and pictures I would need for a lesson.

This worked but the kids wanted to see what was going on and did not get much energy dispensed. 

The stories went okay but once I started the songs both kids climbed on the couch and knocked the white board off the coach onto my foot.  And I do not have a small white board. 

I put it back in place and tried to continue with the lesson about dinosaurs but the kids were to distracted by each other.  Spencer wanted to touch Athena with his feet and she wanted to be far away from him.  So he chased her around our 'magic reading blanket.'

I gave up.  I can not make children learn.  They are not in school.  I was so mad that it was Friday and we were barely finishing up Tuesday's lesson plan, we did not even get to it all.  I went upstairs into my room and said a prayer. 

I did not read my bible that morning. 

I did say a prayer with the kids but my heart and mind did not have the time in the morning to spend with the Lord. 

My heart was pounding like I had just run for 30 minutes and my teeth were clenched.  

Why do I get so upset when I can't finish a lesson? 

Is it the fits? 

Or the kids not listening? 

I am sitting here wondering if it is worth all the planning and time I spend preparing lessons and activities when I can not get my kids to listen.  Not just listen to the lesson but listen when I am talking.  

I feel worn out and am carrying anger with me everywhere.  I want to burst, scream at the top of my lungs! 

I find myself wondering if it is me.  If I am the reason my kids don't listen.  Perhaps I am not drawing the line clear enough for them to understand what is acceptable. 

Then I think of both of my kid's other parents. 

Am I getting the left over emotional baggage of two kids dealing with living in two homes? 

Spencer's dad said when he dropped him off "You still love me more then mommy right? Like you told me?"

This is only two questions that I heard him ask.  Athena hasn't seen her bio mom for more then a couple hours in three weeks. 

Can I reassure myself that I am dealing with a lot of emotions from many places or do I need to take a step back and look at the way I am being a mom and disciplining my kids. 

I went to a woman's retreat this morning and learned that no words should come out of my mouth if it is not like a little silver wrapped gift box with a bow on top.  When I speak it should be a gift no matter who is listening.  

I put my silver box in my window in the preschool room.  

Can I do it all?  I do not feel like it. 

Can I do it all with God?  Yes, but that doesn't make it easy.