My Test

Tension has been high at home for a couple weeks.  Not a direct result of any one specific thing, just a bunch of stress factors weighing down on me lately.  Because of this my anxiety is high and Jerry can feel the tension too.

I have been praying multiple times a day since my anxiety  has been so high trying to figure how to handle my feelings lovingly.  Seeking God for comfort not fleshy things such as chocolate or a glass of wine to relax.

Last night I was at my  breaking point.  I was shaking, crying, and ready to bite someone's head off. I needed to vent and get out all this frustration and stress I have been harboring.

I took a walk and called a woman I am very close with who is also spiritual and a mom.  I think of her as my sister, I will refer to her as H.
Whenever I go to H with an issue she won't lie to me to make me feel better.  She also does not ask questions or pry for gossip.  She encourages me to talk to God and helps me see that He is the one who will ultimately give me my answers even if I won't like them.

My walk with God is new.  I am building my relationship with Him and learning how to have faith in Him for my needs.  H helped me find my way to God and has supported me 110%.  I have not read the bible the whole way through nor grow up in a church environment.  H answers many questions for me and refers me to passages in the bible that my help me in whatever situation I may be in.

This is what she did for me last night.  I believe there is a spiritual battle constantly being fought but especially when you are communicating with God after years of sin.
In my life God is winning, Satan loosing.

It is a hard battle to face.  I am tempted to turn to fleshy things for comfort.  To give in, put other things before God because it seems easier.  But following Gods rules are not supposed to be comfortable or always easy.  It takes faith that God will provide comfort and joy for you through the struggles.  And that comfort and joy will put the comfort and joy I know to shame because God is wonderful and awesome and... everything!

H and I prayed together and my heart was at peace.  I knew I needed to forgive the petty things I was upset about and focus on my relationship with God. The things that were bothering me were Satan trying to pull me away from God.  Making me feel like my walk with God is not worth anything.

"Get behind me Satan" I will carry out God's will and choose God!

Today Jerry and I were able to resolve the tension brewing between us in a loving manner.  We communicated and heard each others needs.  I hope we can pray together tonight so both of us can be before God and thank him and give glory to Him and praise Him.

I feel good tonight.  I should sleep well with good dreams.

Thank the Lord for your blessings and when you do remember you are talking to the Father on the throne.