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Passing Year

This year is passing fast. Doll Dragon will be starting kindergarten this year in August and Little Dragon will be going to preschool (not my decision.)  I have been a stay at home mom for three years and that job is coming to a quick halt come fall.

I thought I would have a couple more years at home with Little Dragon but his dad has decided to put him in preschool.  He believes it is 'necessary' for development for Little Dragon to make friends in preschool 'that he will keep throughout high school."  I believe that Little Dragon would do better if he had more time at home given he has a split family so he can develop strong bonds with me and his dad before school taking up a majority of his day time.

Regardless of what I want for Little Dragon he is going to preschool.  His dad said he will go to court with me if I want to fight it otherwise he will be attending preschool.  I have thought about going to court about it but we don't currently have the money to spend on court costs.
My time with Little Dragon is during the day.  His dad has him at night.  When preschool starts I will miss out on my day time with him and see him Wednesdays and every other weekend.  Of course this is a huge factor in why I want him home doing preschool with me.  That is two years of daily time I could see him that I now won't.
It is a bit selfish.  It is not going to be harmful to Little Dragon to attend preschool and he may love it.  I am not ready to send him away yet.

Things have finally settled with Doll Dragons mom.  The custody agreement has been filed through court and everyone has been respecting the schedule (a couple thousand dollars later for us.)

Jerry and I are engaged.  Our wedding is planned for October.  I have most things planned but we are not able to start putting things together.  This has been a big stress factor for me.  Hopefully now that we are not going through court we can start moving forward on wedding plans.

The fits have calmed down from Doll Dragon.  Finally.  We knew when she came back there were going to be a lot of emotions.  She has separation anxiety. She is also very bobby and hardly stops moving.  We were dealing with a fit every time she had to go in the corner. We would leave her to her fit and continue whatever we were doing.  She would spend up to 45 minutes wailing around in the corner yelling, screaming, crying, or sliding around on the floor.
I know she is doing this for attention.  We don't want her to get attention this way. We want her seeking positive attention.
She is also very strong willed.  She will test how far she can push you before you get mad.
We have learned over the past few months not to get angry.  Even when we are, if we stay calm she goes to the corner and stands quietly and still for her 5 min. time. She comes out calm and we can continue are day as if there were no break.
She has learned that going to the corner properly gets her out faster so she can go and play.  She has learned that the fits in the corner do not catch our attention it just wears her out.  As soon as she calms down in the corner we are there, giving attention for the correct behavior.
Let me tell you though this is not easy.  During her fit this week my heart was pounding and my jaw clenched. I was angry.  I get anxious when there is a lot of noise.  I think it gets on every one's nerves when someone is screaming.  But I knew if I told her to stop it would get louder and last longer.  If I asked nicely or yelled there would be no difference. There is nothing else I can do but tell her to stop.  At this age she chooses to listen or not. So I sat there on the couch with my eyes on my bible.  I did not look at her although she was staring at me waiting for me to watch her and get mad.  I sipped my coffee calmly.

These fits are more scarce but never easy to deal with.

Both kids have been fighting like crazy about who goes first and I am hearing a lot of 'it's not fair to me'.  I am not sure if this is normal or they are trying to identify the differences between families.

There are many things that I don't plan for that can come storming in the door.  It can change our whole day.  There is transition time and a lot of feelings swirling around from both kids.  I may plan for a nice day with plenty of activities and get a day that it is impossible for the kids to sit down.

It is a learning experience for me.  When to be calm or strict.  When to walk away or stay.  It is emotional for me I can't imagine the emotions of a 3 and 5 year old.

I must keep praying and seeking strength through Jesus for me and my children.


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